Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
