those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
