How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
