Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
