my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
