so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
