in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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