whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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