I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
And then he peed in my hair
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