this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
