It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They took my balls.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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