I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
