Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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