Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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