Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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