ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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