...so i touched it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
