Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
