No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
