I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
