whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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