yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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