everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
