do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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