I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
