called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
