why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
zippers are such a cool invention
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
