i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
