It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
