genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
