I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
