Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
