im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
