If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
