I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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