I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
