oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
