JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
