We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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