If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
