I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
