It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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