you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
