the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
