Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
