Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
MIDGETS
????
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
