So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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