so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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