I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
