Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
