I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
