some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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