i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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