I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
