now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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